This is my very first post. Well, not exactly, but it is my first post in years. I love to write; it’s how I best express myself when I’m nervous, scared or simply shy. Which I am. But no one believes that.
I’m actually the editor of two magazines where I live out my life as a parenting expert and lover of food and wine. But here…this is where I’m free to be me. The me that laughs, cries, fails, succeeds, does stupid shit, awesome shit and everything else in between.
This is me…mother, daughter, sister, friend, lover, dreamer and schemer. #nofilter
In March of this year The BossMom Network held a focus group with 15 women who I consider to be #BossMoms. As I strategize and try to find the answers that I need in order to fulfill one of my goals, I turned to some of the women whose journeys have been a source of inspiration to me and many others.
BossMoms L to R: Kimberley Dunkley-Watkins – Dragonfly Experience; Angelie Spencer – ASH Interior Design; Michelle Gordon – The BossMom Network; Rochelle Cameron – Prescient Consulting; Dr. Tonoya Toyloy-Borrows – Shop 876 Kids.
When I ventured into business many years ago, I was completely clueless about the processes required to achieve the success that I dreamed about. Over the years, I’ve seen so many other women do the same thing. Many (not all) of our businesses are born out of passion, driven by desire and fueled by necessity. But we grow through experience, education, wisdom and community.
BossMom Rochelle Cameron, Attorney and Consultant of Prescient Consulting
My idea to create a community of not just women in business, but mothers-in-business took flight in 2015, more than 12 years after I had been in business. The similarities with being a mother and a businesswoman are many; the hope and potential of creation and expectation. The dependency of infancy and youth. The sleepless nights. The anxiety of mistakes made. The pride of growth and development, are just a few to mention. I learned really early that when your business is small – especially when your business is small, the strength of your relationships is crucial in helping you to unlock next levels.
Inaugural Momtrepreneur Breakfast Meeting, 2015
The BossMom Network is designed for mothers-in-business to connect with each other as we share a common goal of developing our businesses, while simultaneously parenting our children. We exist to support other BossMoms who look to a community of successful, like-minded women as we effectively and efficiently balance family and career through information, products, ideas, advice, tools and services. We engage wholeheartedly in the parenting process while expanding our networks and strengthen our businesses. Here, we experience the benefits of community to create a framework for success in our businesses, boost and build sales, grow our customer base and develop professional and personal relationships, within a dedicated, structured and safe environment.
I have been connecting with mothers in a multitude of ways for the past 18 years and if I know nothing else, I know that we need each other for emotional and mental support in parenting and internal and external growth in business.
BossMom Kimberley Dunkley-Watkins, Event Planner of Dragonfly ExperiencesBossMom Natalie Murray, Health & Wellness Coach of The Life Store
The BossMom Network is not a woman’s empowerment group. Our strengths as mothers who are in business are especially unique, because while we are powering through to build our businesses, we remain focused on raising well-adjusted, fully functional and happy children. The two roles are equally demanding, both with far-reaching effects and they are inextricably linked one to the other.
Nikeisha Boothe-Hill of MDS Limited
How does a community like The BossMom Network benefit its members?
BossMoms L to R: Nastassia Morrison – HomeMaid Ja; Syntyche Clarke – Bridge FM; Michelle Gordon – The BossMom Network; Norma Williams – BrandED; Anna-Kay Price – Independent Realtor.
We share many of the same challenges in both business and in parenting. Here are some of the most salient points learned from the focus group community.
We are not alone with our challenges
We gain unbiased support that may not in our existing friendships
Accepting that support exists
It’s ok to ask for help
Sharing the responsibility of parenting with our partners is the one way to find balance
We have to get comfortable talking about money – at home and at work
We have an opportunity to vent, share and exchange ideas
Meeting a set of amazing women who all have the similar needs
We are allowed to be vulnerable in sharing about parenting challenges
Understanding that we are raising adults who are currently children
Being vulnerable about business challenges starts with finding someone who has been there and done that, and asking them to help
Supporting other BossMoms means buying from them, not just listening to them
We are always one person away from getting the information or the help that we need
We must unlearn our naturally competitive spirits as women to succeed
We can learn from our private “Board of Directors” as we govern our ‘BossMom’ lives
Being open to new women into our lives
Understanding realness of the sharing and teaching
I really look forward to networking the way we BossMoms do!
BossMoms L to R: Dr. Karen Phillips – Revamp Rehabilitation; Dr. Dahlia McDaniel – Charlie’s Pharmacy; Dr. Thea-Nicole Davis, Athena Care Ltd., Stacey Hines – Independent Consultant; Michelle Gordon – The BossMom Network; Natalie Murray – The Life Store.
Initially, I grappled with the idea of being labeled as self-centered, vain and narcissistic. The naysayers would certainly have plenty to say! “She nuff eeeh?” I thought long and hard about it and then decided to “just do it!”
I have worked hard AF for many years to build a foundation promoting confidence and boldness. Has it been an easy journey? Nope. Did I make mistakes? Many. Have I become a better person? No doubt. And am I still learning? Absolutely. I wonder if this is what Oprah felt when she launched ‘O ‘Magazine? Hah!
So here I was planning an event called thinkBIG and yet I was subconsciously doubting and limiting my own self. The irony of that wasn’t lost on me because it’s something I see too often. It’s the internal battle that we experience between where we want to be and where we are, and the things that hold us back preventing us from stepping out.
I wrote about FEAR in my last blog (you should read it if you haven’t already) and as life would have it, I came face-to-face with the emotion shortly after. However this time I was armed and ready.
I don’t believe in happenstance or coincidences. I believe that my steps are ordained and the people I meet along my life’s journey are intended to either teach me or be taught by me. When I met Rebecca Minkoff just over a year ago at Beaches Moms Conference at Beaches, Turks & Caicos, I had no idea that a few simple words from her would have been the catalyst for such a timely message in my life.
“It’s not that I didn’t have fear, but I did it anyway.”
Rebecca Minkoff
Her words of encouragement and plenty more advice in her first book Fearless, have been exactly what I need to springboard me into my next level. Her appearance at this stage of my journey couldn’t have been better timed – thank you Rebecca!
Rebecca Minkoff and Michelle at Beaches Turks & Caicos
This is the first issue of The BossMom Magazine where we celebrate and showcase incredible women who are raising future generations and building the infrastructure for their children to do the same. I am honoured to be in the company of some pretty amazing BossMoms and I thank each one for trusting me and my team to bring this vision to reality!
I’m grateful for the success of the recent staging of the 2nd annual BossMom Conversation, where we explored the notion of thinkBIG as the mantra we all need. The first staging of this online event was last year when we were still early in the pandemic and not yet knowing what life’s new normal would have us experience! This year, we had four great speakers whose messages of Own Your Badass – Judy McCutcheon, Reach for the Stars – Orly Marley, Build on a Solid Foundation – Peta-Gaye Samuda-Palmer and Fear Less – Rebecca Minkoff, hit home for the momtreprenuers who were online. For many of us, our businesses have been challenged, some of our relationships have been tested, and we’ve maybe even questioned our life’s purpose. But now that we’re more than a year in and we’re still standing, I think if we’ve discovered nothing else about ourselves, we’ve learned that we really are stronger than we think. We are BossMoms!
Now that we’ve proven this to ourselves, I believe there is no better time than now to change the narrative from merely surviving, to doing things bigger and even better than ever before. Since the pandemic, we each have a different story to tell. For some it may involve loss and for someone else it could be gain. But one thing is for sure, we’ve all experienced some form of change and I believe that that’s supposed to happen. Change is the thing that takes you from one level to the next. Personally, I’ve grown. I literally felt myself maturing over the past year. (I also, felt myself aging, but that’s another story – literally.) The things that used to bother me, don’t bother me as much anymore. I’m following my heart more and listening to my instincts more than ever before.
So… the BossMom Networkwas created to make connections for mothers-in-business who share the common goal of developing their businesses while simultaneously parenting their children. I went into business 16 years ago with nothing in my arsenal but a baby boy for inspiration and a desire to be successful. No business plan, no experience, nothing. Some of the mistakes I’ve made were necessary for my growth and development, but some of them could have been avoided.
“Today, I want to help other mothers-in-business to put ‘structure before passion’ so that we can truly embrace the beauty of being in business.”
Michelle Gordon – B3BossMom
The BossMom Network welcomes Momtrepreneurs at various stages of motherhood and at any phase of their business life.
As mothers, we know that we are a strong influence in the lives of our children. But as moms-in-business, do we really know the impact and significance we are making? There is a common thread that runs through the fabric of every BossMom I know – it’s an inability to settle for what we know can be better. Our children are learning some #bossmoves from us.
The pages of the BossMom Magazine are filled with stories of women who know their value and believe in themselves. We push beyond limits and think bigger than we’re expected to. And every once in a while, we look fear in the face and say… well, get out of my way! Rebecca’s words play loudly in my ears “It’s not that I don’t have fear, but I did it anyway.”
16 year-old Christian, 13 year-old Amanda, BossMom Michelle and their Jamaican Brown TerrierLili
“My children see me going through the rigours of momtrepreneurship. And as they have gotten older, we have developed a profound sense of respect for each other. They are young and wise, and they inject a fresh and insightful perspective to many of the projects I do. They know that I value their opinions which very often influence the decisions I make. When a project comes to fruition, they witness first-hand the results of my sweat and tears, and our pride is collective. As a BossMom, it is an extraordinary feeling to know that my children are proud of me.”
I invite you to read the stories of the BossMoms in this issue of The BossMom Magazine, and I look forward to your feedback. Please read, enjoy and share!
When I was in University I wrote a paper on why FEAR was a necessary part of life. I remember doing extensive research on how fear was a critical tool in helping to protect us from ourselves. I discovered that fear as an instinct, was the single most important tool that processed and identified danger, and alerted our brains to caution.
Fear prevents us from moving forward.
But there is a flip side to fear. While it may protect, it also prevents. Fear prevents us from moving forward. Fear has held me back on several occasions, with one being so significant, that it’s taken me 8 years to confront its damage and attempt to move on.
For those of you who know me, you’d be quite familiar with how proud I am of being able to conceptualize, bring to life and share with the world the Caribbean’s first ever, and most beautiful parenting magazine at the time. B3 was a dream that came true on a wing, plenty prayers and the undeniable support of great friends and family.
We hit the ground running in 2012 with our first 2 issues and by the time our third issue hit newsstands, we were known as the go-to brand in the field of parenting. ‘Big’ eyes were on this tiny little magazine from Jamaica. We’d already secured a major international celebrity cover (a big deal in magazine business) and we had a few more in the pipeline. We were now earning the attention of the ‘who’s who’ in the baby and child industry both locally and internationally.
My dreams of the bustling editorial department beside the chic boardroom in my loft-styled publishing office were in sight. I was all set to becoming the Caribbean powerhouse and a veritable version of Anna Wintour – for parenting.
But then our third issue hit newsstands and I was stopped dead in my tracks.
Little LC known on Istagram as @thelcshow graced the cover of B3 Magazine’s 3rd issue in January 2013
Cute little LC Lauren Campbell was our cover girl. The then 2-year-old was an absolute hit, long before she became the kid sensation that she is today. The magazines were flying off the shelves and the name B3 was becoming increasingly popular. But that wasn’t the issue. (Pun intended.) We had printed some 5000 copies, which indicated positive growth from the 3000 that we’d printed for the 2 previous issues.
However, several days after being in circulation, I got a call from one of my team members asking me to turn to page so-and-so. Now, let me put this into context for you. On page so-and-so, was an article written by Latham Thomas. Latham Thomas was at the time, THE most sought after maternity consultant and private doula in the United States. She still is actually. She’s on speed dial for all the top celebs and clients who rely on her to guide them through their maternity journeys. Latham was a huge part of the world of celebrity interviews, high profile covers and exclusive access to industry deals and insiders. Little B3 Magazine getting Latham Thomas to contribute to our publication was a big frigging deal!
Anyway… I read through the words on page so-and-so a thousand times, but I still saw nothing wrong. When he pointed out the error to me, my breath stopped. There in front of me, smack in the title of the article, was the word pregnancy…big, bold and misspelled as PEGNANCY.
I died 3 times before I came back to life. As I write this, all the emotions are back.
My head was spinning. It was too late to recall the issue since all the copies were already dispatched to our distributor in Jamaica – who received 70%. The balance of 30% was split equally and sent to our distributors in New York and Los Angeles.
I died again.
Now, you may think I’m overreacting, but in my mind, this was such an indictment on me as a professional, that it scared me shitless. The scenarios that played out in my head were insane.
Now can you imagine the shame I felt when having to face Latham with this stupid error on my part? I was going to be the laughing stock in magazine business. “Editor my ass!” Ha, I could just hear the comments. I had no experience in publishing and I just proved it. No one would regard me as serious. I lost my credibility and I became fearful.
Sigh.
I met with my team whose efforts to tell me to relax fell on deaf ears. While DJ, our Art Director was able to edit our online version of the issue, I drove downtown to our then distributor and took back every copy I could find. I shredded a couple hundred copies, burned another few hundred and buried the rest far away from my line of sight.
You waan know shame?!! A gripping fear had taken hold.
The worst thing about fear is that once you allow it to get its foot in the door, it begins to walk around looking for places and spaces to move into your life and set up shop. Fear feeds on insecurities, and insecurities multiply in an environment of fear. They have a symbiotic relationship.
For a while, I tried to pretend that ‘pegnancy’ didn’t exist. After all, no one said anything about it to me, so maybe nobody saw it. It seemed the only people who noticed were my team members. And perhaps Latham. 🤦🏽♀️ She never responded to my calls or emails, and I was convinced that she had rubbished this silly little Third World magazine.
But during my pretense of ‘pegnancy’s’ nonexistence, I just couldn’t shake the feeling of being seen as second rate. (Yes, I know… I was pretty hard on myself)
I became afraid of aiming for the top. I took ‘no’ as never, and started shooting my shots a little lower, because I didn’t think I deserved better. It’s a crazy thing when your mind starts playing tricks on you. I remember leaving a sponsorship meeting shortly after thinking that the no I had just received was because they must have seen the fateful pegnancy issue.
But then, ‘my core’… and here’s why I love them so much and why we all need strong cores… my core reminded me not about what happened, but instead who it happened to. Mistakes happen all the time, right? If it’s one lesson every parent has had to teach his child, it’s that mistakes happen, and there’s always a lesson to be learned. I certainly have said this to my children hundreds, if not thousands of times. But in this case, the person behind the mistake, the who, lost focus and fell down a rabbit hole.
It has since become easier for me to share my pegnancy story, and after doing so with a small group of women recently, one lady called me after to tell me that her ‘pegnancy’ – a mistake she had made during her early twenties, led to a mediocre career, and ultimately an unfulfilled life. She said she carried that social burden all the way through to the point of our conversation. Her ‘perceived’ error prevented her from simply knocking on doors that were all around her – professionally and personally, all because she was scared of what others would think. F#%k fear
So what to do?
Forgive yourself first. It isn’t as easy as it sounds, because for me, I kept re-living the experience and thinking that all I had to do was ‘x or y.’ Forgiving myself was the process of accepting that it happened, and accepting that I couldn’t change it – instead of trying to not think of it daily. It became easier to not be embarrassed, when I accepted that it was an error and not a lack of knowledge, or ignorance on my part. F#%k Fear.
Then I reminded myself that I am a creator – I make things, and I make things happen. And the creative process lends itself to second, third and fourth chances. However, fear was making me get comfortable accepting less than the best. It made me afraid of excellence and that was not me!
Identify the things that you are great at, and place your focus there. In other words, big up yourself. Pop your collar. Step into your own video light. This is an exercise in self-motivation that can easily be misconstrued as conceit or narcissism. Do it anyway. F#%k Fear.
I picked my proverbial crown up off the floor and placed it back on my head where it belonged. It had fallen off my head when I was looking down at pegnancy. Funny how I tell my daughter every day to hold her head up, and I had mine down for so long. The millstone around my neck had been weighing me down for almost 8 years, and the posture of looking down is one of unreadiness. Stay ready. F#%k Fear.
Share your story with persons who have your best interest at heart – your core – the persons who will show you the other side of what you’re feeling. Trust your core. They became my voice of reason when I lost all rationale. My core was able to re-centre and restore me. They also reminded me that other than the fact that no one really and truly cared, I had to figure out how to ‘get over myself.’ Today, my core has a running joke when one of us makes a mistake… “Yo, don’t pull a pegnancy…” I can laugh about it today. In retrospect, I think they were the missing ‘R’.
Face your fear. You can’t fix what you can’t confront. Years later, I still am not able to re-read anything I write once it’s been published. If there are errors, tell me before we go to press, not after. Just this week, I forced myself to pick up the magazine issue in question and look at it. I had to, in order to move on. I cringed when I saw the stupid mistake again, but then I laughed. I laughed at how silly I have been, and now I’m moving right along.
If ever you find yourself ‘pegnant’ with fear, here’s what I suggest; plain and simple – don’t give birth to that conception.
F#%k Fear.
Footnote: Thanks to my core friends Norma Williams, Karen Phillips, Dwayne Watkins, Dwayne Jureidini, Brandon Ferguson, Thea Davis and my sister Kamille Jackson. They keep me from getting pegnant again and again.
Unlike most of the lessons taught in schools, our children learn critical life lessons from conditioning at home. It’s the ‘what we do’ and not just ‘what we say’ that sets the foundation for the quality of the men and women that our children will become as adults. Early in my parenting journey, (and sometimes even now), I was honestly afraid that I would not be able to teach my son the things that I believed he needed to know. Things that should be taught by a man. It’s a real fear shared by many mothers who find themselves raising boys without the daily interaction and influence of their male counterpart.
How was he going to learn to open doors for a lady? How would he know to protect her? If he only saw me doing all the door-opening and protecting, how would he know to lead and not to follow? Would he ever learn how to be a ‘good’ man?
Today, nearly 16 years a mother, I have done two important things, if nothing else. One, I have taught my children to talk to God and to listen and look for His answers. And two, I have cultivated a relationship with my children where we speak openly and honestly about any and many things, including the tough topics like money, war, race, sex and sexuality, drugs and crime. Now, don’t get me wrong…I’m nobody’s fool. I certainly don’t expect that they will share EVERYthing, because that’s just how parent-child relationships go, but I do believe that our open communication makes it easier to deal with issues when they arise. And arise they will.
Photo credit: Dwayne Watkins Photography
This photograph here is one of my favourites of my son, for several reasons. One, it brings back the memories of some beautiful last days spent with a lady who meant the world to me. (Thank you Dwayne for always capturing such simple, yet poignant moments.) And two, it represents what many mothers want to be, but cannot always be to their son – his safe space. Here, my son hides ‘cutely’ in the place where he knows he’s protected – behind me. As he grows older, I know my protection of him can only come by preparing him for what possibly lies ahead. Real life – with ups, downs and lots of in-betweens. But how do I prepare him for a world that is as treacherous as it is beautiful.
Recently, when George Floyd mustered his last few breaths to cry out for his mother, mothers everywhere felt the anguish of her child in pain. Mothers everywhere felt a piercing inability to be able to protect the child she loves, knowing there is so much she can do, and no more.
Son, heartbreak is gonna come – but that is no excuse for you to intentionally break hearts. It will hurt for a while, but I promise you that it will pass, you will get over it and you will be ok. I promise.
Friends will disappoint you. But don’t be vengeful. Instead, learn from the hurt so it doesn’t happen again.
One day, you will miss your grandparents. Learn everything you possibly can from them now. They are wiser than you. And me.
No matter how good you are at something, there is always someone better. To thrive on a global scale, YOU my son, will have to be ‘more excellent’ at whatever you do simply by virtue of the colour of your skin, and where you are from. Promise me that you will never settle, never stop trying to improve yourself.
And last, but certainly not least my son, money will never buy class.
My son knows my expectations of him and though he’s at a stage that is more challenging for both of us than ever before, (we’re having teen fun) I like to ask him what he would do and how he would feel, in certain situations. This gives him the chance to think things through and choose his actions. We discuss offensive content in some of the popular songs he likes, and I challenge him to explain his attraction to some of his favourites. “It’s the beat, Mummy”, he says… followed by a conversation about the power of words including us speaking about the term ‘gyal’ and habits such as ‘psssssting’. “Would you like someone to call me a gyal, or sing a song about me or your sister like that?” I have asked him. “No Mummy.” Food for thought.
Some days are easier than others, and RESPECT is a word that I use repeatedly. Respect your sister. Respect the helper. Respect your teachers. Respect the man begging on the street. Respect yourself.
Outside influences are real – friends and their opinions, the internet, music and television, are all factors that I encounter daily, but I remind myself that I am molding a man of integrity and honour.
My ground rules are simple and few:
Choose your friends carefully.
Read as much as possible. (Truthfully, we struggle with this one, but I’m not giving up yet)
Clean up after yourself.
If you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you don’t think you can do it, don’t say it.
Be your brothers’ keeper, but know what a true ‘brother’ is.
Manners are a must. (…and ‘Hi’ is for friends and peers, not grown-ups)
Words have power. Choose the ones you use wisely.
Actions have consequences. (Nobody likes consequences)
The task is never-ending, but I’m reminding him less and less to check on his sister, not to push past her and to hold the door open for us. He’s still listening and I’m still talking.
17 years ago today, I walked down the aisle. I wore a beautiful, custom-made drennaLUNA gown in front of 31 persons who I felt had to be a part of my special day.
The night before I was curled up in bed with my sister answering one of the most challenging questions at that time. “Are you sure you’re doing the right thing Michelle?”
“No, I’m not.” I managed to utter the words through my tears.
‘Abort takeoff!’ I heard the words loudly in my (Flight Attendant) head, but I didn’t know how to stop the plane that was barreling down the runway.
The following morning, I was married.
Flaps down. Full Power. Rotate. Airborne.
7 years and 2 children later, I got my decree absolute declaring our marriage over. But we didn’t crash land. Instead, I’d say that our plane went into the hangar with maintenance issues, and we simply never used the right tools to fix it. We sprayed the body of the jet, we re-upholstered the seats, vacuumed the carpets and power-washed the engine. But we never referred to the manual. The entire time, our diagnostics were off.
I believe that we all miss opportunities when we focus on the wrong things.
Why am I sharing this story?
Because I try now to focus more on the silver lining and less on the dark cloud. I learned a few lessons during my marriage and I’m learning more now, thanks to corona virus. And the truth is, I’m not just surviving my quarantine time at home with my children, I am actually thriving. (Thanks Nicole!)
Here’s how:
Counting to 10 actually works.
Sometimes I have to count slower than others, but the ‘love is patient’ thing that we hear about, takes practice. I started practicing post-divorce, and my yogi friend Karen has helped me to embrace this new me. Cause truss mi! It new and it need plenty embrace!!! I find when I’m counting, it helps when I close my eyes and deep breathe at the same time. When I exhale and open my eyes, my kids are usually pretty nervous at that point. But those 20 or 30 seconds when I am counting to 10, give me the time to c.a.l.m. down.
Perspective is a choice.
It’s a glass half-empty, half-full sort of thing. I see so many memes and comments about feeling ‘stuck’ at home. I’ve chosen to feel happy that we’re spending time together. Truth be told, I think my children needed to have me home at this exact time. I’d been ‘out’ quite a bit recently, between constant meetings, the just-concluded Christmas party season and my personal social life. And I needed to be more present to ‘see’ that my children were maturing on rapid in my absence.
Love you, like you.
I love you in spite of the things that I don’t like about you. And because I love you, you will hold a place in my heart. A friend told me this about me. And my instinct was to feel hurt and offended because I didn’t understand that the two are not mutually exclusive.
I love my children, but I don’t like some of the things they do. And I know the converse is also true. It had never really occurred to me (pre-Covid prison) that the 8 or so hours they spend away from home at school, is their sanity from me. The more time we spend together in quarantine, the more I am realizing that truly liking someone manifests when you spend time with them. Otherwise, we only like the idea of them.
The key to surviving this paradox is recognizing that love doesn’t guarantee precedence or position, and like is a choice we make. I am learning that this is ok.
Corona is a filter.
Ever tried to break a habit but struggled with an ever-present temptation? Unless that habit lives in your house, now is a good time to put more effort into severing ties. It could be a toxic relationship, unnecessary spending or irresponsible eating. You know your vice. But being away from what we’re accustomed to (now during quarantine), provides us with an amazing opportunity to see where our time and energy was being wasted. This is a version of self-love that doesn’t see us running to the salon or the gym, but it somehow has the ability to make us feel so much better.
Memories magnify love.
My children and I have enjoyed more seated dinners together in the past month than we have had in years. And I say ‘enjoy’ because it has truly been a joy. Our busy worlds have collided and we probably wouldn’t have noticed if corona did not orchestrate this time together.
I have fond childhood memories of hurricanes – not because it was a time of joy, but because it was a time when my family bonded together, albeit by an outside force. I have watched as the rush to retreat to their own rooms to re-connect with their friends online, is slowly morphing into…”so what’s for dessert?”
I forgot I loved you.
This global quarantine has gifted me with an unusual number of calls and messages from long lost friends and family. My gut has wanted to say “Oh if it wasn’t for Covid, I wouldn’t hear from you…” but instead, I am thankful to be called and messaged, and I am grateful to pass the love on. My love language is changing.
This morning, I even called my ex-husband to wish him a Happy Anniversary. He laughed, hissed his teeth and returned the sentiment.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I attended ‘Social Media on the Sand’ for the 3rd time, fully expecting that I would come away with the advice and tools I needed to make me better at what I do.
What do I do you ask? Well, I found myself asking that same question a lot over the past few months. I mean – don’t get me wrong; I know what I do and I do it well. I provide parents with a variety of platforms and tools to help them to parent in the most effective way they can. And as my children are growing and evolving, so too am I.
Something had been happening to me recently – emotionally, socially and mentally even. The strangest insecurities began to consume me. I would learn throughout the course of the 6 days I spent at Beaches Resort in Provodenciales, Turks & Caicos, that I was not the only one feeling the things I was feeling.
The line up of speakers told me that I was in for some solid words of wisdom. I already knew who they were, what they did, and I’d figured out how their presentations would add value to me and my life.
Daymond John needed no introduction. If you’re an entrepreneur living on this side of the hemisphere, you probably know about Shark Tank and Daymond’s role on that show. He’s a visionary risk-taker who credits his mother’s influence as central to his success. I knew of Rebecca Minkoff because her brand is everywhere classy women want to be! I’d met her the previous year at SMOTS and already have a few of her accessories in my closet. While BALANCE may be elusive, Rebecca remains ‘normal’ and relatable, despite her incredible achievements as a retail powerhouse.
Daymond John and Designer Rebecca Minkoff at the 5th Annual ‘Social Media on the Sand’ Conference at Beaches Turks & Caicos Resort Villages & Spa in Providenciales, Turks and Caicos Islands.
(Photo by John Parra/Getty Images for Beaches Turks & Caicos Resort Villages & Spa)
I didn’t know Jaime Kern Lim, so I did my due diligence and learned the basics about her brand, IT Cosmetics. Her story, like so many others of us in business, was one of dedication and ‘stick-to-itive-ness’ and I looked forward to hearing from them all.
Jaime Kern Lima John Parra, Getty Images
"Because beauty is personal and infinite and it doesn’t have one definition or look."
Jaime Kern Lima, IT Cosmetics
But little did I know that I would have been brought to tears, not just from powerful presentations by the speakers, but also by a community of women who shared so much in common.
Beaches’ mission for SMOTS this year, was to ignite the senses of the participants and help define and grow their brands, all while prioritizing family.
But I got so much more, and then some.
Jamie made me cry. I felt connected to her story in a way that shook me emotionally. And I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who resonated with her struggles. When you create something, believe in it with all your heart and soul… you know, it’s a kinda gut feeling where you KNOW it’s a winner, you can’t help but expect positive results. But then you hear NO. Over and over again. “No, it’s not good enough.” After a while, that NO, begins to sound like “No, YOU’RE not good enough.” 7 years of hearing NO is a damn long time. But Jaime, like many other women, comes from a place of authenticity. Her desire to correct her personal ‘beauty issue’ became the catalyst for changing a global perspective on confidence-building. “Because beauty is personal and infinite and it doesn’t have one definition or look.” Her story is real. Her passion is as real as her pain, and her journey, both professional and personal, could have been the story of most, if not all of us in the room.
That’s when I cried. I tried not to sob too loudly, but the ladies who sat beside me saw it, and they too commiserated, because it turns out we were all feeling the same thing.
I did stop crying though. The tears dried up when she mentioned the part about IT Cosmetics being sold to global cosmetics giant L’Oreal in 2016 for 1.2 billion dollars.
No More Tears.
Jamie Kern Lima (Photo by John Parra/Getty Images for Beaches Turks & Caicos Resort Villages & Spa)
Authentic.
I heard that word a lot last week. There was a common thread in the stories told on the podium and on the beach, over drinks. Our aim to be authentic is often compromised, especially now when the digital domain demands perfection and precision. But we were reminded, over and over again that the authenticity and realness that we use to parent our children, is the same required of us in business.
I try.
I love my children. And while Beaches is our favourite family vacation spot, (we’ve been going there for 7 years now) I did not miss them terribly this time around. (Calm down critics.)
I reveled in the joy of being alone.
We spoke every day while I was gone, which satisfied my motherly instinct to connect with them. But I did not miss hearing “Mummy this” and “Mummy that” for six consecutive days. A huge thank you to my mother and father who held the fort for me while I ate as I pleased, (there are 18 restaurants at Beaches TCI), I drank at leisure, and I didn’t have to referee not one single fight!
Heaven.
Me, enjoying my alone time on Grace Bay Beach, at Beaches Turks & Caicos Islands
I’ve gotten to a stage in my life where I don’t question when things happen anymore. Instead, I try to look for the reasons. When my flight developed maintenance problems and I had to stay an extra night, my teenaged son sent me a text message to let me know that he missed me. He didn’t use those exact words, but I deduced this sentiment from his tone. My 11 year-old-daughter and I share daily I-love-you’s, but if you have a teen boy, you’ll understand the significance of this. `You see, I’d been so busy recently, and so caught up with ‘life’, that I’d lost sight of a few things. I took the time, or rather, I got the time to reconnect to me and my senses while on this trip.
But I didn’t reconnect intentionally. It just kind of happened. Serendipitously.
I had first met Sandra in 1993 close to the end of our sojourns as models. She was a ‘mega’ model having graced the covers of UK Cosmopolitan, Elle and Marie Claire, and she was as cool then as she is now. I found this out once again as the universe placed her in my path 26 years later to remind me of the magic in sharing your story. Sandra recently authored her first book and I inhaled it – Cuts of A Diamond, while lying on the beach, champagne in hand, and getting lost in the similarities of our stories as women.
@LauraDeePhotography
I met Project Runway alum Amanda Perna for the first time. With her 3 year-old daughter Stella in tow, her story took me back to the days when my children, my inspirations in business, were with me everywhere I went. She’s interned and worked with Calvin Klein and Oscar de la Renta, and now her own designs are found in stores across and outside of the US. She’s achieved so much, not because it was handed to her, but she’s dreamed, believed and worked for it.
Me, with Amanda Perna of The House of Perna
You may be different from me. Your business is different. You look different. You may come from someplace I’ve never even heard of, but guess what? Our experiences are pretty much the same. We want the same things. The things that hurt me, hurt you too. And we have the same goals and dreams for ourselves and our families.
I don’t think it’s a secret that as women, we can also be our worst enemies. I’ve learned some pretty harsh lessons over the years. I sit here today genuinely grateful for the women who have been a part of my journey – from the ones who insert the knife, to the ones that turn it, to those who come along to remove it and help dress the wound. We have encountered them at some point or the other.
I have struggled for so long because I’ve been insecure about my story. (My friend Dwayne has challenged me to remove the word struggle from my vocabulary – working on it D). In the world of digital connections, I certainly don’t have a lot of ‘followers’. But whether I liked it or not, this is what was needed for the growth of my business. Eyes on me and my brand. It’s crazy – I struggled to even make a damned video! Would it be intriguing enough? Exciting enough? Would it look good enough? Probably not.
But it is real enough.
My new friend, mentor and THE ENERGY GODDESS Emily Kaufman aka, The Travel Mom @LauraDeePhotography
I listened intently to an amazingly energetic lady Emily, who reminded me that genuinely supporting each other as women is the single greatest thing we can do. Because when we “lift each other, everything elevates.” I had fallen in love with @TheTravelMom when we first met a year ago.
In Jamaica we call it ‘spirit tek’!
Emily Kaufman, @thetravelmom and me. Her energy is palpable!
Our connection was instant as she became my friend over drinks and then became my mentor over solid conversations about love and life, business and humility. I knew nothing of her influence and reach because it’s not something she wore on her sleeve. What was obvious about this total live wire, was her passion for seeing people happy. Because at the end of the day, if you don’t want to see those around you succeed, you really shouldn’t be around them.
Serendipity is the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.
I spent 6 days in heaven.
@LauraDeePhotography
And by heaven, I mean Beaches Resort & Spa, Grace Bay Beach, Providenciales, Turks & Caicos Islands.
Located at the luxurious Beaches Turks and Caicos Resort, ‘Social Media on the Sand’ has become the annual ‘go-to’ conference for digital mom influencers looking to improve their craft. The week serves to educate and inspire attendees with strong digital content that fosters genuine connections with their followings. Attendees heard from inspirational keynote speakers, including fashion designer Rebecca Minkoff, entrepreneur and founder of IT Cosmetics Jamie Kern Lima and businessman, investor and television personality Daymond John. Things got gram-worthy from the moment the guests arrived at the resort at the Sun-sational Playground, followed by a number of interactive activities including a branded Beauty & the Beach Village (sponsored by Drybar and IT Cosmetics), a Live Your Best Life Health & Wellness Village, an exclusive Match Ups & Mimosas networking event and a special performance by country music platinum-selling recording artist, Hunter Hayes. Beaches rounded out the week with a custom 5 Senses on the Sand Instagram Playground and a farewell party, delectably named Willy Wonka’s Splendiferous Fun Factory.
#OurSons is very dear to me for a number of reasons…
As a first-time mother-to-be, when I found out I was having a boy, I was extremely excited. To be honest, I really wanted a boy because it felt like I was being given an opportunity to raise a KING. Like many other mothers, I believed I could somehow find the solutions to any and all ‘boy problems’.
My then untested and unproven theory was simple; all my son would need is love, affection, discipline and attention. Simple, right? Hah!!! On paper it was perfect, but in reality, not so easy….
I am fairly old-fashioned in my thinking, and while many women’s lib groups may chastise and berate my thinking, I still believe that the man is the head of the home. The fact that so many women are running households, doesn’t mean that that’s how it SHOULD be. It is that way because as women, we do what we have to do, because it has to be done – especially if there’s no one else doing it.
I believe with all my heart that the ‘don’t cry’, ‘be-a-man’, tough-it-out, tales that our men today were told as boys, have helped to create a generation of emotionally disconnected men – the same men that women struggle to have relationships with. Yes – the playas, the ballas, bad man, ‘gyalist’, girls man, cocksman, don – you know the type… They formed a few generations of men who were never really held accountable for their actions. I’m not sure if it’s that mothers were afraid of their sons, or that we just revered them too much… But I do know that in much the same way the women seek and need emotional support, our men do too. But when you’re told not to, that you don’t need it, you fill that gap in other ways. Enter the anger, violence and mistrust…
We’ve heard it said over and over again – boys are marginalized, they are adrift, they need help. They are, and they do.
#OurSons isn’t about who is above or below the poverty line. Or whether they are black, white, brown or any variation of same. It’s not about what they look like, how they sound, or where they go to school. And I care zero if OurSons have mother and father, mother OR father, or neither. The issues OurSons face are universal and they are no respecter of persons.
Now, I don’t purport to have all the answers, but I do know that collectively we can make a difference.
I’ve reached out to like-minded persons who not only have a passion for the well-being and success of their own sons, but for that of all boys who will become men, making decisions that will impact their lives, their families, their own children (some day) and ultimately, our nation.
#OurSons is not about academics or simply listening to parents, or cleaning up after themselves. Education, respect and discipline are crucial and I believe that those things will fall into place in time, once a solid foundation, including the right influences, has been laid.
Calvin & Hobbes®️
What #OurSons is, is simply a different way to engage our boys to help them recognize the role they play in their ownlives. It’s the accountability factor. (Not the strongest attribute of most teens) And this year, we’re using sports to do it. By and large, boys are attracted to sports. The speed, the competition, the high energy, the WIN – all magnets for boys. But not all of them. The good thing, is that the lessons of #OurSons are not lost on boys who like to draw, or play an instrument, or like physics or drama. Because at the end of the day, just like a good coach, we are helping OurSons to find their own greatness by engaging with them in ways that they both relate to, and actually like.
The same words coming from a parent or caregiver, sound different when coming from someone cool.
Thank God for our ‘cool’ motivational speakers! Sean Williams and Andre Virtue… and by digital extension, Usain Bolt, Yohan Blake, Raheem Sterling, Bibi Gardener and Young Don The Sauce God… Thank you gentlemen, firstly for being the examples that you set in so many ways. And secondly, for sharing your voices with #OurSons!
Andre Virtue Football Coach and Motivational Speaker
Sean Williams Transformation & Leadership Trainer
Now, please don’t think that because I’m putting on this event, that I’ve got this boy-raising thing down pat… not even close! I’ll be there to listen and learn as well, cause TRUST MI…. I get exasperated almost daily!
My #OneSon and Me
What I do know is that I love my son enough to never give up on him, his friends and young boys in general. And I know most mothers and fathers out there share this sentiment… raging testosterone and all!
Almost 15 years ago and less than 2 weeks before becoming a mother for the first time, I stood at an abandoned ferry dock on Yonge Street, Downtown Toronto, capturing the glory of my big belly, before maternity shoots became all the rage that they are today.
I knew that I wanted to capture the moment in ‘my way’, and since I was never really one to follow [all] the rules, the fact that it was 47 degrees out, made it even more exciting for me. I bared my heart, mind, soul and body to the elements, with wild abandon. Pretty much how I’ve approached my life. More heart than head.
Today, as a mother, I bare my flaws for my children to see that their mother is far from perfect. I am not afraid to show them that I as much as I laugh, dream and joke, I also cry, get angry, am afraid and sometimes, I have no clue what I am doing. But they know that somewhere in my imperfections, is honesty, vulnerability and a whole lot of love. My big, soft heart opens me up to hurt and disappointment, but unfortunately, I don’t know how to be anything but.
I think being a mother does that to you… it did to me.
I remember standing on the dock that afternoon, considering the wisdom (or stupidity) of my decision to stand naked in the cold, and it dawned on me for the very first time during my pregnancy, that my life was about to change drastically. I look back at these pics and I remember every emotion; I was scared shitless, my marriage was teetering on one of it’s edges, I was far away from friends and family back at home in Jamaica, and yet I felt excited beyond belief. I also felt sexier than Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct – but that’s another story.
I braved the cold, did my shoot and I loved every one of my pictures. I was sooooo ready to become a mother!
Today is my 15th Mother’s Day, and two children later, I still experience those same emotions, plus a host of others. Throw in pride, fatigue, optimism and even a little embarrassment sometimes. But thankfully, one of them has never been regret.
Wherever you are on your walk as Mom, take the time to remember and savour your journey, knowing that each step takes us closer a destination where our babies grow up and we grow old.
Michelle 2day 